Lifechanging

So..

This weekend was WW. I was so excited and it turned out to be even better than I expected it to be.

Friday after I got out of Microbiology I practically ran back to my room to get my bags and make sure I had everything I would need for the weekend. They picked me up and we began our drive south. With each passing second I got more and more excited. We got to the hotel, got checked in and pulled around to the back of the hotel to unload our stuff and find our room. E came to help and it made me happy to be able to see him so soon in the weekend. We got everything moved into the room and I began to get read. I did my makeup and my hair in pigtails with rainbow ribbons then got dressed in my bright tank top and black sparkly tutu skirt. My little was so excited to be able to play dress-up. Complete with my new Hello Kitty play collar and pretty leash, I headed off to the newbie meeting with B and S. They are such good people and I cannot thank them enough for putting on this amazing event. We laughed and had a good time in the meeting then headed back to the room so They could finish getting ready for the opening ceremony and playtime. We ended up missing the opening ceremony which made me sad but its okay. I got to see almost all of S’s outfits and that made me happy. She changed ten times that night. Silly woman.

That night I ended up running around watching and taking in a lot of what was happening around me as it was my first big event. Finally as it was getting closer to the end of the night I went into one of the rooms to see if I could get two of my friends to do fire play with me. They were busy with another friend of mine but when they were done they lit me up. I absolutely love the feeling of fire on my skin. The warmth as it runs over my body is amazing. I told them I wanted to try cupping for the first time and they were glad to help. I had seen some of the marks that fire cupping inflicts on other friends of mine and wanted to try it. Honestly it was really fun. The first cup they put on me felt so weird. I cant really describe it. But as they continued placing them over my back and down my legs, I giggled and relaxed. It felt so nice. Especially the two cups they put on my lower back. Then I mentioned moving them around and wondered how badly it would hurt. For me, twisting the cups doesn’t really do anything but when you try to slide them.. OW! That hurt. I continued to lay there for a while as they toyed with me and the cups on my back before finally removing them one at a time, teasing and torturing me even more, “applying direct pressure” to my “wounds”. After they finished, He took me into the main play space and flogged me for a bit. I wish He could have continued longer because it felt really good and I loved the flogger he was using.  *purrs happily*

After that I got redressed and headed back to the room for the night. I pretty much passed out once I got back to the room and woke up the next morning in time to go get breakfast from Panera before getting dressed for the day. I crimped my hair which took about 45 minutes alone, did my make up and put another bright tank top on with my black sparkly tutu skirt and my lime green Hello Kitty socks. With my Hello Kitty play collar and leopard print ears on and leash in hand, we headed off to our first class on how to harness your energy. This was a class I was really looking forward to because energy has been something She was working with me on for a bit but we never really got to play with it much. The class pretty much just consisted of the presenter walking us through a scene we played out in our heads dealing with an open meadow and a waterfall. It was nice especially since water is my element. We played with it a bit and I could actually feel the energy in the room changing and dancing around me as I played. It was a very cool feeling. The teacher told us to hold some of the water in our hands and watch it grow as our energy flew into it, feeling the orb growing and growing. He instructed us to hold it over our head and then told us it to imagine it growing so big it burst. At that point I felt a coolness rush over my body and I knew I had done it. It was a very accomplishing feeling for me.

After the class I was passed off to a good friend who took me to the littles and pets tea party. Oh goodness. I’ve never had so much fun in my life. I ran around on all fours chasing after giant balls of yarn, throwing them at E and another kitty, ate candy and Goldfishies, and played with a giant balloon with the other littles and pets. After lunchtime was over it was time for another class. E accompanied me to the “Making Peace with Jealousy in Polyamorous Relationships” class. This was a class that I think was good for both of us to attend because its something we both have had to deal with in small ways for our own relationships as well as our relationship with each other. After that class I headed to the fire play class with Them which was cool. The presenter told us all about how to make things to do fire play and safety procedures and everything you need. Pretty cool stuff, however, I left before the class was over because the octo-beam opened up and it was time for me to fly.  =^_^=

He wanted to suspend me with E and K’s help. K is another really good friend who I trust with my life and I trust like no other with rope. I absolutely love suspensions so this was a lot of fun for me. This was the second time I’ve been suspended, not including my self-suspension I did last Wednesday. Once I was flying, They along with E and K teased and tortured me for a while. Very fun. I screamed and flailed, but I’m a pain slut so I loved every second of it, of course. Once I got down and got my hugs from everyone I got dressed and it was time for dinner. We went to a fabulous Italian restaurant close to the hotel. Great food and not too expensive, then we headed back for the closing ceremony, which was hilarious. I won a small bottle of lube for being a WW virgin.  *winks*  Then it was playtime. I knew They wanted to play since They didn’t get to the other night, and I had plans to do rope work with K. So he finds me and takes me off to the smaller play space and ties me up, then proceeds to torture me for what I believe was hours. We didn’t get done with our scene until 2:45am. And I’m sorry if I woke you guys up screaming; Im sure they could hear me over in China.  *smiles*

So after that, I went into the main play space and danced around to “Dancing Queen” with everyone once it hit 3am. That marked the ending of the event. It was such a bittersweet moment, watching everyone dance around all silly-like but knowing in a few short hours we would all have to be parting ways and heading back to real life. But I managed to keep the smile on my face. We walked up to B after the song was over and thanked him for hosting such an amazing event and made sure to tell him how much fun we had. And since I don’t know how to shut up and I kind of have tiny fan girl moments when I talk to him I couldn’t shut up. But that was probably the highlight of my entire weekend:  B telling me to “shut up and go to bed”.  *giggles*

So I did. I said goodnight to as many people as I could because I wasn’t sure who I would be able to find in the morning if anyone before heading back to the room, packing up and passing out around 4am. I woke up at 8:30 and felt sick. I knew the drop was hitting me already, the fear of going back to the real world, the fear of what I had to face coming home.. I didn’t want to leave. I texted E and asked if I could see him; I wasn’t sure what his plans were and I didn’t know when he would be leaving. So we met up and I just sat there and cried and hugged him. I honestly don’t know what I would do without him in my life. But we said our goodbyes for the time being and headed back to our rooms to finish getting ready to leave.

We packed the vehicle, got breakfast, then went to a really cool market place in town. That helped me to keep my mind off of things for a while. Then we began our trip back north. I was exhausted so I switched seats with Her so She could keep Him awake as He drove. I ended up falling asleep for most of the drive until They dropped me back off at my dorm. I headed up to my room, dropped my stuff, and just stood there staring at the middle of my room. I felt numb. I didn’t know if I wanted to be alone or if I wanted a friend.

This weekend was super fun. I absolutely loved WW and I cant wait for COPE in a couple months.

However..

This weekend was also one of the hardest.

We decided to sort of, for lack of a better way of saying this, lessen our relationship. She already told me she had to veto herself out of being my Mistress, and that was just the beginning. I knew for a while that I needed to do this but I didn’t want to. But I know, now more than ever, that I need to take the time for me, to figure out who I am, emotionally and in the BDSM world. For example, I always thought I was a submissive because that’s where my personality fell; however, I’m not so sure. So right now I’m identifying as a “bottom” but I’m not even sure that is right. This is a hard road but they are still very important to me and we are still dating; however, its non-exclusive. We all have the freedoms to do as we please as long as we aren’t stupid with it. I think this is what I need right now. I don’t like that it has to happen this way but I understand this is how it has to be.

That being said, I’m going to need a lot of emotional support and love this week, especially these next couple days. Between losing my Dominants and subby drop and con drop.. I just want to curl up in my bed and hide from the world. But I know I cant. I have to be strong, but sometimes its really hard to stand on your own two feet.

Thank you to all of my friends and chosen family who continuously show their love and support to me when I need it. You guys mean the world to me and I wouldn’t trade you for anything.  ♥